Master and Chief Tsukasa (CONTINUED)
by KoalaYuriTime
Summary: PREVIOUSLY XLILXDEVILX Same person, little older, was mentally out of commission for like 2 years, couldn't write anything good. Forgot all info regarding stuff like Fanfic account info. But this is the Master and Chief Tsukasa story, and I remember it being funny as hell. In fact when I re read it to continue writing I laughed my own ass off.
1. LESSON NUMBER ONE!

'How did I wind up here?' Minami asked herself as she contemplated how many gods she must have seriously pissed off to be dragged unknowingly down the street by the Macho Man in uniform Tsukasa herself, who was happily skipping ahead of her while clutching the string of a little pink balloon in one hand, and the somehow broken hand of Minami in the other.

They had stopped by a party store after much of Tsukasa's pleading, and to the horror of all the children inside she had proccured a pink balloon, a pink party hat, and had cannon balled into the ball pit. Minami could still hear the screams...

As she was dragged by the skipping bahemoth she watched helplessly as onlookers debated calling the cops. At one point several kind patrons actually attempted to grab her and set her free unbeknownst to Tsukasa. Apparently the happy little song she was singing inside her helmet muffled Minami's screams as three men were dragged for five blocks when grabbing ahold of Minami's ankles. Perhapse if they had let go after three or four blocks her arm would still be securely in its socket, but Minami figured it was best to think about that after she regained the feeling in her legs.

Finally they stopped at the martial arts gym where Tsukasa would be training. Tsukasa let go of Minami's hand and she let herself fall to the floor face first, the teeth that were knocked out of place tasted like freedom at last and Minami relished in the feeling.

However it was short lived. Tsukasa instantly let out an intense high pitched squeal of glee that caused several cats in the nearby area to hiss, after dancing around in a circle happily she grasped Minami's hand once more and dragged her inside. Minami knew all she could do was prey for death and hope it came swiftly.

Unfortunately it did not. However she was released and allowed to relax and watch Tsukasa train with her new master on the matt before her. She decided to lie down and try to slip into a coma with no luck, her quiet slip into a vegetative state was interrupted with the loud warriors cry of a woman flying.

Feet first.

Into Tsukasa's face.

"LESSON NUMBER ONE: A WARRIOR MUST ALWAYS BE PREPARED! HOOHAA!" She screamed bashing in her chest like an ape at a zoo, making Minami wince as she wondered whether or not the woman's breasts were made of steel.

Tsukasa, woozy from impact, staggered to her feet. But was not up for long before a the same woman leaped onto her back. Tsukasa may not have noticed the weight, but she did notice the lack of oxygen when the older lady had her arms wrapped tightly around her neck.

Unsure of what to do in any situation not involving tea parties, stuffed animals, or cooking, Tsukasa did the only logical thing that came to mind: She ran through the wall.

The two were in the street now, Tsukasa flailing as she wondered why oh why running through a wall head first did not make the person on her back release her, and the woman on her back loling her head back and fourth crazily as she chanted loudly "LESSON NUMBER ONE! LESSON NUMBER ONE! LESSON NUMBER ONE!"

Seeing as how running through a wall had failed, Tsukasa did the next best thing, run through everything else. She ran through a crowd of people who had for some reason not bothered to turn around when they heard the explosion that was the teen smashing through solid cement. None survived. When that didn't work Tsukasa's brilliant mind decided her next best bet would be to run headfirst into oncoming traffic.

She was surprised the lunatic on her back had not let go when she realized the large soldier was headed into trafic, in fact she seemed more determined than ever to keep a hold of her new protege: Her face grew more stern, her eyebrows slowly growing together into one ultimate brow, her eyes slowly slid in separate directions as if trying to escape all on their own, unwilling to take the sacrifice their master was for the sake of schooling, her mouth grew more agape as she chanted louder and louder. "LESSON NUMBER ONE! LESSON NUMBER ONE! LESSON NUMBER ONE!" It seemed to nearly unhinge to the point she could fit a small sumo wrestler inside, and that was when they were hit by the car.

Thankfully for Tsukasa she landed on her back and was released. Unfortunately for the car it had hit Tsukasa, and had passed on to car heaven, its owner so horrified by what he had just seen he rethought his entire life and quit his job the next day and never drove again.

"...Lesson... Number... One... You Passed..." Whispered the instructor. "I'll... see... you... Monday..."

Happy to have passed lesson number one Tsukasa got up, feeling awfully proud she decided her and Minami should go out to the nearest pizza place and celebrate. She informed her friend of this post haste, explaining there was one with a play place nearby, instantly Minami knew the one Tsukasa was talking about. It had a ball pit. She stood there breathless as the screams of agony and dread from the children at the party store filled her ears, several of them drowning instantly in the tidlewave of plastic balls.

Eye twitching, she said simply "I feel more like a cake buffet."


	2. Let them eat cake

The two sat in their respective booth at the cake buffet. It was a nice place with large windows and a glass door so no matter where you would sit you could always gaze at the street full of people to the side. Tsukasa was to busy being faced with a new conundrum to notice the crowd of children staring at her in the window. How was she to eat without taking off her mask?

She explained to Minami that she didn't wanna take it off, for fear someone she knew might see her. She was still very embarrassed about her new rather masculine body. Minami reasoned that A: she couldn't keep it a secret forever, and B: No one they knew was likely to be here without one of the two catching wind. If Yutaka and their group, or Miyuki were to come to the cake shop, she would know. And if Kagami or Konata were planning a trip there, they would also have in some way been informed, as well as more than likely invited.

Convinced, Tsukasa decided to remove her helmet just as their waitress arrived with their drinks. Words could not describe her complex feelings as she saw the heavy bodied muscular soldier lift his helmet above his head to reveal the head of a beautiful princess. His cheeks were soft, rosy, and babyish. He smiled sweetly at her.  
The cool sodas dripping with condensation fell from her hands and hit the ground with a smash. Soda spilled onto the floor with glass, but the waitress it seemed hardly noticed as she never looked away from the creature sitting at the booth.

She stared for more than a full minute at the hybrid of cute and terrifying. Unsure of what to think, and in fact completely unable to think. The gears in her head refused to whirr around and her eyes glazed over with a feeling that could only be described as a sudden belief in Satan. After all what else could created such a creature? That with the head of a large man and the small head of a seemingly small female child.

Her face never changing, she turned on her heel, hands still up as if she was still carrying their beverages, and she walked out of the door. Well, you could call it that. She more or less just walked through the glass of the door. Uncaring as it crashed around her.

"Must have gone back to get our drinks." The naive Tsukasa reasoned. Minami however could only stare as people gathered around the door, unsure of why the woman had left her place of work in such a way.

"Let's just go get some food." Minami said. The two piled their plates up with cake after cake. Tsukasa's appearance granting them many onlookers as it usually did. Minami was getting a bit tired of everyone constantly staring at Tsukasa, and assuming god had forsaken her, thanked her new lord Satan that she was far too naive to notice their terrified stares. 'Satan be praised'. She thought as she marked an upside down crucifix on her chest.

When the two finally made their way lack to their new table Minami witnessed the new eating power Tsukasa's rather athletic body possessed. If she had to describe it, it would be that she ate allot like how Misao would if she had been tied to a chair, forced to watch food network, and starved for five days. By the aftermath Tsukasa's face was covered in frosting, it had even somehow gotten in her hair, and Minami had lost her appetite from the first bite.

The two decided to make their way back home after a low belch from Tsukasa that shattered any and all nearby glasses. By now the store had recieved to much damage that as they left the store owner was hanging up police grade 'Do not cross' tape', for fear his customers would hurt themselves on all the glass. "Why are you living at the Takara house anyway?" Minami asked, too confused and terrified for the question to come to mind before.

Tsukasa looked up at the sky as they walked home. Her brain overworking itself so that she might remember her reason for leaving her home and living under an assumed name in a house not her own. "Oh, yeah." She nearly shouted, having remembered. "Mrs. Takara wanted me to be Miyuki's bodyguard." Tsukasa explained, a bit too cheery for Minami's comfort.

Minami stopped. Her brain kicking into full gear as she tried to understand why exactly Miyuki would need a bodyguard.

"I'm not sure why." Tsukasa stated. But after seeing her friends distress decided to add. "But I'm sure I can ask."

Minami gave a slight nod, feeling better that she may be able to understand why her dear friend needed protection.

The two finally arrived at the house to see Mrs. Takara sitting in the living room looking quite pleased as she always did. "Oh Jhon how was your training?" She asked in her usual sing song voice.

For but a moment Tsukasa's mind fluttered back to when her teacher was attached to her back with her jaw looking more like a raptor than a humans as she repeatedly screeched "LESSON NUMBER ONE!" into her ear. The voice in her head echoed a few more times before she finally responded to Mrs. Takara's question.  
"It was... Um... I learned to always be prepared?" She stated, though it was more of a question. If in any other situation the only lesson she would have learned would be to stay the hell away from that dojo.

Minami decided to take the opportunity to leave. Slinking out and hoping no one saw her. To her luck, no one did and she was left to leave undisturbed to rest her tired body from the long day of cruel and unusual punishment.

'Thanks God'. She thought sarcastically as she marked another crucifix on her chest.

Tsukasa noticed Minami had left the house about a minute after it happened. She decided to take the time to ask Mrs. Takara why it was up to her to protect her daughter.

"Mrs. Takara, do you mind if I ask you a question?"


	3. Oh Dear

"Of course deary ask away." She said rather cheerfully, taking a sip of tea. Her slightly squinted smile never leaving her face. Even as she drunk the tea. It was awefully odd for Tsukasa to see a woman sip tea while never breaking her odd full toothed smile.

At this point Tsukasa was getting a tad anxious with the smile the older woman always seemed to have. She hadn't had much interaction with her, so she hadn't noticed before how eery it could be. But now, it was all she could look at as she saw the girl.

"Umm. I mean. I was just wondering exactly why Miyuki needed my protection is all." She wimpered out.

Mrs. Takara kept on her creepy smirk, even as she uttered the words "Oh, well its all alright. Just some problems with the Mafia is all." She half cheered, waving her hand as if it were no big deal.

Tsukasa gulped, the japanese mafia was a force to be recconed with. No one escaped them. No one fought them. The sorrow few who tried would always wind up in the papers. Dead in some allyway.

And Mrs. Takara had unknowingly picked a 17 year old girl to go up against tem. To fight them.  
Everything went black.

Mrs. Takara was quite surprised when Jhon fell from his seat and hit the floor. "Oh dear." Was all she could get out. "We'd better get you upstairs." She said, before glancing around the room and realizing there was no one about to help her.

"Oh dear..."

Mrs. Takara was having quite a bit of trouble hauling the rather large boy up the stairs to his room by herself. She had resorted to grasping him by both his ankles and pulling him up step by step. Tsukasa's head hit each step with a rather loud thunk, but Mrs. Takara paid no heed, determined to be courteous and get him up the stairs.

In all honesty she was probbably doing more harm than good.

Not that Tsukasa could notice, in her state of unconciousness. Though she had awoken after the first thunk, she was rudely put back to sleep after the second.  
Tsukasa awoke sometime later. Her head dizzy and her vission blury. She was in bed. How she wound up there she had no clue. But she felt a dull pain in her head that refused to go away.

She slid up and out of the blankets, wondering how exactly she was supposed to protect Miyuki from the Mafia. She needed weapons, she needed training that wasn't from some nutcase. However the more she thought about it the more she realized she had to do it. If Miyuki needed protection she would give it to her.

Pictures flooded her mind of her in full combat gear, placed in some war zone with a dirty, scraggily Miyuki quivering against her leg and staring up at her like a god come to earth just to protect her. Tsukasa was duel wielding machine guns and scattering shells as she fired endlessly at unnamed enemys.

It was quite the picture, and it fueled her to do her best in protecting her friend. She childishly fist pumped the air. "I WILL PROTECT YOU MIYUKI!" She screamed, her voice echoing through the halls to one Miyuki Takara's ear.

"Oh dear..." Was all she said.

The next day Tsukasa was finally going to school, something that she wasn't quite sure how to work out. She'd be going as a boy, Miyuki's mom having set up all the necessary precautions. She'd be carrying a gun. Something she had never done before.

Perhapse being a bodyguard and all against the Japanese mafia she should learn.

Reguardless of her misgivings she slipped on her usual uniform. Forgoing the usual attire of the school, which she did not need to abide by as she was simply there to protect Miyuki. After slipping on her helmet she stumbled out of her room and went downstairs, being greeted happily by Miyuki and her mother. The three sat down for some breakfast before school. Tsukasa slipping food under her helmet for consumption, earning odd glances from her housemates.

Finally they finished and Tsukasa took to accompanying Miyuki to school, the tall mecha human walking about a foot behind while trying to stay as allert as her tired eyes would allow. The two met Minami allong the way, the girl looking just as tired as Tsukasa felt.

"Oh, is something the matter?" Miyuki asked as they begun her stroll.

"Yeah..." Minami whispered in her usual way, not disclosing the fact that she had been plauged with nightmares. She shuddered as she remembered the gaping mouth of the fighting instructor. "LESSON NUMBER ONE" echoing in her head.

And so they continued their venture to school.

Upon reaching their destination Tsukasa couldn't help but notice all the odd stares she got for not being in uniform, or was it for being over 6 feet tall?

Minami stopped at the gate and for a minute Tsukasa was thinking about stopping beside her to ask why, but as Miyuki continued to move forward Tsukasa knew it was her duty to follow.

"She's waiting for her friend Yutaka." Miyuki explained, hands folded in front of her, carrying her school bag as she walked.

"I guess I shouldn't say but Minami has always had a bit of a thing for her." Miyuki chimed. Jhon stopped himself in shock, it was quite the thing to hear, but as she looked back she should have realised it.

She turned to look at Minami, standing by the gate, staring longingly down the road, the wind whistling as it blew cherryblossoms past her, despite it not being the time of year for cherry blossoms.

How could anyone ever not realise?

The two classmates entered the school, immediately scaling the stairs to there classroom. Miyuki took her respective seat, Tsukasa tried to do the same, but found it rather difficult with her current stature. The squeeze enough was hard, but there was not enough desk for her arms to sit on it comfortably, and her legs were a good few feet in front.

Just when she was debating getting up and perhapse finding a new desk, the whole thing colapsed under her.

Miyuki turned twards Jhon to see him sitting on the floor like a small child with several pieces of the dismembered desk under him.

"Oh dear..."


	4. At the very least, He's gay

As the day started and class begun Jhon was forced to stand beside Miyuki, he put his hands behind his back and squeezed one with the other nervously. Everyone seemed to move a foot away from Miyuki's desk and no one seemed to want to greet the newcomer. This bummed Tsukasa out a bit.

The bell rung and Ms. Kuroi entered the room, coffee in hand and looking rather tired. She had a piece of paper in her hand and as she sat at her desk she called out. "Takara Jhon?"

Tsukasa stumbled up towards the front of the class and bowed. Ms. Kuroi looked at her with wide eyes, amazed by the boys size and stature, as well as the fact that he seemed to be decked out in full military amour.

"Nice to meet you all, I'm here to protect Miyuki." Tsukasa explained as she walked back towards her friend, still standing beside her desk.

"Oh well... That's... nice?" Ms. Kuroi said before getting up from her desk and going to write on the board.

"Now pay attention class. This will be on your next test so don't fall asleep." She picked up her chalk but before she could put it to the board the door slung open violently, revealing a blue haired Otaku, panting and heaving as the door opened.

"I'M NOT LATE!" She shouted between pants. The classroom looked at her, all eyes fixed on her as she explained her story.

"Well when I got here I saw Minami and Yutaka kissing outside and there was no way I could leave without telling Hiyori so I did the only sensible thing and pulled her from her classroom to spy on them. They had stopped by that point and she didn't believe me. So we were busy arguing and that's why I absolutely could not have made it here prior to this moment." She sputtered, her chest heaving before she fell flat on her face in front of the doorway.

Kuroi sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in tired anger.

"Izumiiiiii." She groaned before walking over to the passed out girl and giving her a sharp jab in the rib with her foot.

Konata groaned under her.

"Watching your cousin making out is no proper excuse to getting to class late, your tardy, and now you have detention." She sneered. Pointing her ruler towards Konata's nose as she looked up at her like a kicked puppy.

Kuroi turned, chuckling. "That cute look only works on people who aren't teachers."

Konata sighed and dishearteningly dragged her feet over to her chair. She sat at it, tired already of the day though it had just begun. She turned to look at Miyuki, perhaps look over her answers for any of the papers given out, but what she saw instead was frightening. Instead of a beautiful pinkette with an ample bosom she saw a rather large man in a full suit of armour staring down at her.

She took a gulp, with the helmet on he was rather intimidating, and he seemed to be staring at her so intently.

He lifted his hand to just the side of his face, bent his fingers, and wiggled them in a rather feminine hello.

Now Konata usually slept for most of the day, but this time, instead of lying her head down and slowly drifting off, she face planted, and fainted.

And so class continued.

By lunchtime Konata had yet to rise from her slumber, so Tsukasa took it upon herself to move her desk, along with her, into the proper formation they usually had at lunchtime. It was then that Kagami came in, and, unexpectedly, leaped towards Jhon. Who caught her happily, the two embraced in the center of the room for nearly a minute.

It was then that Konata came to her senses. She looked at the sight before her, her beautiful twin tailed tsundere hugging a behemoth soldier in their classroom. She must be dreaming, this had to be a nightmare! She lifted her head as high as she could and slammed it back down on the desk repeatedly in an attempt to get herself to wake up, but to no avail.

As she raised her gaze to the two she saw that they had parted, and she let out a sigh of relief.

The two looked around, suddenly aware as to how odd this must look, Kagami coming into Mrs. Kuroi's class and hugging the new kid Jhon.

The two very quickly sat down.

"You uh... Know each other?" Miyuki asked politely.

"Yeah um... I know Jhon from uh like way back... We uh haven't seen each other in years." Kagami fibbed, scratching the back of her head and blushing unnecessarily.

Konata growled. "What are you to each other?! Are you old lovers, good friends what? I must know who has stolen the heart of my dear Kagamin!" She threw herself back dramatically and waved her arms about like a child throwing a tantrum.

Kagami went beet red and said nothing. A thousand thoughts went through her mind but none of them would attempt to slip out her mouth. Tsukasa however, in the persona of Jhon, somehow thought it a good idea to stand. Which made Both Miyuki and Konata flinch. Konata stood from her chair, ready to fight the soldier before her, and Miyuki gasped at the scene playing out.

As Tsukasa took another step Konata leaped, she attempted to throw a hearty kick into his chizzled pecks, but found it impossible once he had grabbed her at arms length in mid air. Then, much to Konata's horror, Jhon pulled her close into a bone crushing hug.

"OH GOODNESS~" He squealed, much like a teenage girl. "YOU LIKE KAGAMI TOO!" He squeezed Konata even harder, snapping her spine before he shook her with another girlish squeal. "SHE'S LOVED YOU FOR SO LONG BUT WAS SO SCARED TO SAY IT!" Jhon exclaimed to the entire class. If Kagami wasn't red before, she was now. Her sister was spouting all her deepest secrets out loud in the middle of the classroom.

Konata's mouth was agape, both with pain and with shock, how could she think this man was any threat to her love for the tsundere, he was most definitely if nothing else gay.

Tsukasa gave one last happy squeal and dropped her friend, skipping flamboyantly to Kagami to be sure she heard Konata's slight confession.


End file.
